Dating a Vampire

.. Pros:

* Long relationships
* Allowed to stay out late
* Easy weight loss
* Centuries of experience
* Immune to all venereal diseases
* Always has amazing stamina
* Loves neck nibbling
* Rarely interested in arguing religion
* Never comes home with garlic breath
* Don't have to worry about what color of clothes to wear.



Cons:

* Spend your time in a hypnotic daze
* Parents can be hell
* You always feel tired (loss of blood)
* Oral sex can be lethal
* Always has cold feet (and blood)
* Never able to spend the day in bed
* Pet names that give you chills
* Strange friends
* Giggles at funerals
* Hard to win an argument
* No romantic sunsets
* May forget own strength during orgasm

vampires walk into a bar.

Three vampires walk into a bar.
The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. ?
The first vampire says,
"I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver.
I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,

"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"

When does a skeleton laugh?

When something tickles his funny bone!

I'll be back

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as
'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave
him some goodies, he returned for more.

"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few
minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back
three more times tonight too."

Trick or Treat

The door bell, rings, and a man answers it. Here stands this
plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"

The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like for
Halloween. The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes
28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.

Baby Dracula

Little Baby Dracula was chasing a man around the house when his mother walked in. The mother scolded, "Junior! How many times have I told you not to play with your food before you eat it!"

Invisible Man is here

The nurse walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor the Invisible Man is here." The doctor replied, "Sorry, I can't see him."